Corrupt a Wish v2

your chick fil a sandwich is cold and they forgot your fries

i wish i had friends ;(

 

Granted.
They all die in a horrific accident right in front of you.
Your parents, too.
Oh Jesus, the gore! And their screams for agony, calling your name for help as you stand idly by, unable to offer any help; something's holding you back.
Despite the months upon months of therapy to help relieve some of the stress your newly diagnosed PTSD has given you, you find yourself on a stool, a noose hung from your ceiling fan. You wrap the noose around your neck, and kick the stool but simply hit the ground as the ceiling fan comes down with you, fatass. You're crushed under the weight; nobody is here to save you, remember? They're all dead. Because you didn't help them. Because you were simply too ignorant to do anything.
You weep silently as the ceiling fan lays on you, one of the wooden paddles impeded deeply into your chest, draining the blood directly from the source.
It takes two months for your body to be found. Nobody even knew you were missing until the calls from the bill collectors continuously dropped, leading them to suspect you've been brutally murdered. By yourself.

Huh.

I wish for this fucking computer to arrive.

 

the fuck man
Granted, but all the pictures are replaced with scat and it has a ton of viruses.

I wish for Delicacy to do that again.

 

Granted.

I wish my parents loved me.

 

They do, but so much that you aren't allowed to leave the house or have internet access for fear of you getting hurt.

I wish the Nexus 5 model this year will be amazing

 

Granted but the Nexus brand is acquired by Apple Inc after it's release.

I wish for blond hair.

 

It's blonde but it falls off immediately because you didn't pay tribute to the cancer gods

I wish for a cool $5

 

Granted, the bill is located in Antarctica where you must spend the rest of your life.

I wish for some chocolate milk.

 

Granted, the milk is expired and the chocolate is the type of chocolate you find in a girl's ass when you eatin' the booty.

I wish your Mom would stop sending me pictures of herself through the mail.

 

granted, she'll start sending them through text

i wish that i could just have a day where i can sit around and not do anything, and feel good about it at the same time

 

Granted, but everyone ignores you for the rest of your life.

I wish I actually had money.

 

i actually would be extremely ok with that. if people ignore me they won't care when im walking out of their store with a plasma 100px tv screen

 

And nobody would care when you shadowban kuro ;D

 

I wish for some fish and chips with a lemon to juice it tbh with a nice coke and good cut French fries

 

Granted.
I made it.
The fish is puffer fish.
(I don't know how to prepare puffer fish!)
You gag on your own vomit as the poison of the fish forces your stomach's contents up your throat, your fists clench as you try to fight the crippling urge to just relax, your hands going a dull white after a moment of clenching before you no longer feel your hands. You're trapped in your own body as you enter a stage of paralysis, your own teeth not being able to feel themslelves. Your lungs shut down, and you're drowning in your own vomit. You are quickly asphyxiated, and die in a puddle of your own piss and puke.

I wish I knew how to prepare puffer fish.

 

Granted, but a series of unfortunate events lead you to having to use deadly poison on the food (with no way of clearing it up.) If you don't, the pufferfish will, through an even unfortunate-er series of events, force itself down your mouth and either poison you or choke you to death.

I wish that I had the power to control space and time.

 

granted, but if you actually use the power everything will break and everyone you love will be lost.

i wish i had the money to ddos kuro.

 

granted, but u got scammed lol

i wish that i could go invisible

 

granted, but when you go invisible you also go blind.

i wish i had the tolerance to deal with cringy memes

 

Granted, but you can only tolerate them if they are outdated D4nk Meme$ being used by big corporations as advertisements.

I wish that wishes could wish