Corrupt a Wish v2

granted, but your xbox / controller breaks, and by the time you fix it, it's dead again.

i wish i wasn't a fucking faggot

 

granted, but you will never see your friends again and also the world

I wish I can corrupt

 

granted, but every time you corrupt a wish, the next wish you make gets corrupted, its ten times worse.

 

Granted.

You've loved Bob Saget your whole life. His work on Full House and whatever other forgettable shows he's played in appealed to you. And he's kind of cute, you think. But he's a celebrity and you're a nobody. A nobody with no chance of being noticed. You decide to take your chances: with one internet search, you're able to find his address. A few hours later, you've sent him a sappy letter to him, proclaiming your love for the man, with a low-resolution picture of you watching Full House. You're excited and daydream about the possibility of the man himself writing back.

A few weeks go by. You've forgotten about the sent message; more important things have come up in the past few weeks, and while you still love the man you have other things on your mind. You're caught off guard when a package arrives. You cut open the box, and marvel at the contents: a leather jacket that screams "midlife crisis," a sheet of paper with some writing scribbled onto the page, and a Full House keychain. Damn! Saget noticed you! You're ecstatic. The keychain is immediately clipped onto your keyring and you toss that leather jacket on. It's too small for your fat frame. But hey, you feel like that cool kid from high school circa 2002. All you need is a wallet chain and some douche cologne to be cool. And probably some exercise as well. Work calls for you, though. As exciting that package is, you've got things to do.

Another week passes, and you're still busy as all hell! That jacket is still on, reeking of sweat. Ding dong. Your doorbell rings. You didn't even know you had a doorbell. You approach the door and swing it open. Your jaw drops down to the floor; it's Saget. Holy shit! Your idol, your God! You're shocked. He gives a smile and speaks.

"Wanna hear a Jewish joke," he inquires. Before you get a chance to nod your head, you hear a bang, and a sharp pain in your abdomen. You look down: a dart is stuck inside you. You fall down, and everything fades to black.

A few days pass and you wake up. You're... So thirsty, so hungry! You try to get up but you're restrained, chained to a table. The light flicks on, and Saget stands by the door. His monologue begins: "that picture you sent me was really appetizing. Mmm. I love some thick, white meat. Uhghh~. Mmm. I have longed for this since I got your letter. You have no idea what I like to do to my fans, fans as handsome as you." Your head is spinning as he approaches. You're so disoriented... And so, so hungry and thirsty.

I'd continue but I don't want to be banned. He then feeds you meat and makes you drink piss-flavored lemonade.

I wish I could have someone make a story about me in the same fashion I do to others, on the topic of cooking

 

granted, but you're the main course

i wish i could play the guitar as well as brian may can

 

yeah but it's from the azns so food poisoning.

i wish i could do stuff like @Delicacy could in a thread but i'm too lazy

 

Granted. You get up two hours later with a migraine, and you can't go back to sleep.

I wish my room wasn't so hot

 

We are two of kin Walter

I wish Walter would come back to my room!!

 

granted, but every time you move he will flip out and scratch you

I wish my cat wouldn't be so grumpy all the time.

 

granted, but now you're allergic to cats.

i wish i had a cat

 

granted but they fucking scratch you

i wish i found my dog : (

 

Your money is just a piece of paper saying "[insert number here] hl2rp items"

I wish to know what has recently happened in Cloud Sixteen

 

granted, but it has a very odd aftertaste that you don't know if you like or not

i wish i had faster internet

 

your internet is supa fast but you have a 2gb monthly data cap >

I wish I had a bowl of chex mix

 

Granted, but it'll break when you use it.

I wish i didnt make that wrong turn in albuquerque