Corrupt a wish

Corrupt a Wish is a semi-commonly played forum game. To play, you simply create a wish and the next poster must grant it then make their own wish. But, when you grant a wish you add a twist or corruption. For example: If the wish is "I wish I could read people's minds" as the granted you can say "You can read minds, but you read everybody's mind at the same time and you can't stop it".

Rules:
1) Don't make extremely specific wishes, give the granter something to work with.
2) Always grant a wish AND make a wish when you post.
3) Be nice!
4) Have fun!
5) Don't break the forum rules (duh)

I'll start it off:
I wish I could swim a 20 second freestyle.

 

You can swim a 20 second freestyle, yet you can't get out of the pool.
I wish you wouldn't demote Silver161080.

To the next poster with unrelated:
I wish I could of met Kaiser Wilhelm II

 

unrelated: Yknow where I saw this originally? /d/.

 

Know where I saw this originally?
Cloud Sixteen.

You meet Kaiser Wilhelm II when suddenly he executes you for being from Chicago.
I wish I could play Piano.

 

You can play piano but every 5th note is a horrible off-tune sound.

I wish i could be a army dude so I can shoot the bad guys.

 

You can be in the Army but get court martialed for shooting too many dudes

I wish I could squat for hours on end

 

You can do endless squatting, however, you find yourself unable to stop.

I wish I could be invisible.

 

You can be invisible but you scream racial epithets whenever you're invisible

I wish I had that stunning dad bod

 

Granted, but you are 95 years old all of a sudden.

I wish for 800 USD.

 

Granted. Its the first 800USD you've printed from your brand new money printer. Unfortunately the FBI and CIA know you have it, and where you are.

I wish for a better academic semester next fall.

 

Granted, but the semester after that you fail.

i wish my dad would come home

 

not again
granted
he comes home
I̕͏N ̵͢A̴̕͡ ͠͝CA͢͟S͏͜͏K̀͟Ę̴͞T̡͞

i wish i was better at photoshop/gimp

 

Granted

But every time you try to open the program whatever you are using crashes.

I wish I didn't have to take my exams this year.

 

Granted, you failed and now have to retake the same courses next year.

I wish I had a wish.

 

granted
you enter a vegetative state shortly after generating one

i wish rj wasnt such a bad troll

 

-

I wish I could fly.

 

Granted.

You can fly, but every time you fly you lose a year of your life.

I wish I could take @Arcade to a gay bar.

 

You can take him to a gay bar but only if you play the nearest arcade games 5 times in a row.

I wish someone would make a good hl2rp server.

 

Someone actually makes a good hl2rp server but it goes down within a day

I wish I could keep the good hl2rp servers that always go down from going down.

 

Granted, but the staff and rp slowly go to shit over the span of a few months. After 3 months the server merges with SCG.

I wish I had a paypal.