Minge plays generic fantasy world

This is kind of like a role-play forum game in which people suggest the next action for our hero to do.

Long ago, in the world of Bortyralium, a king sought power. He demanded that all citizens must have their power transferred to the king, or be executed. And so, every adult, every teenager, and every child was brought to the king to give up their power. Eventually, bringing newborns to the king to give up their power was a weekly occurrence. Until one day, a newborn was brought to the king to have their power drained. But that newborn contained power too dark for the king, and the king went mad. He transferred all of his power to the newborn, began walking into walls for hours on end, and had difficulty performing the most basic of tasks. Eventually, he met his fate when he upended a bucket of water into his face, forgot how to breathe, and died.

You, a nameless hero, wake up in pitch darkness. You can smell moss, hay, and crap. The ground feels like stone, but with the pattern of bricks. What will you do?

 

Sell your clothes for money.

 

You realize you are naked. You also don't see anyone you can trade with, either.

 

Go and punch a tree.

 

Well then sell your dick.

 

Dont, This will remove any possibility of a Game of thrones type sex scene, You monster.

 

You cannot see any trees, you cannot see anyone you can trade with, let alone trade your dick with, and in fact, you cannot see anything.

 

Lay down and rub your genitals on the ground.

 

...
You guys make me sick.
Fine.
You rub your genitalia on the ground. The thought of stone gets you aroused, and you ejaculate within a couple of seconds. What now.

 

Walk North Until you find fucking anything.

 

You get up and walk north. It's a good thing your genitals always point north. In no time at all, you come across what feels like a wooden bench, some flint stones, and steel.
What do?

 

Clap the flint and steel together onto your dick whistle resting it on the wooden bench.

 

*Slow Clap Ensues*

 

/sigh...
You take the flint, and the steel, and strike your dick resting on the bench with them. This doesn't make a spark, but it does make you realize that you have a natural magical affinity with flame, as your dick spits out fire, allowing you to see the partially flaming desk. There is a note next to your dick.

 

The hero would begin to yank his dick back and forth over the piece of paper thinking it was a hardcore porno note. Though, he'd think it'd be wise to read it to make sure he wasn't jacking off to black people.

 

You begin to thrust, thinking it contains hardcore pornography, but then you realize it might contain hardcore pornography of black people. You stop thrusting, and read the note.
"Greetings, hero. I am a princess. I have locked you away in a dungeon so that one day you will brave the challenges and become the hero I always dreamt you'd be. I have attached my hardcore pornography to this note to give you the incentive. I have put black hardcore pornography on the back just in case you're into that sort of thing. Good luck, hero."

 

-Snipping, Other post to great-

 

With his blind rage of being cast against black pornography, he himself, becomes black for several minutes. He sniffs out the last of the KFC, -HIS- KFC. It forces him to burst through the dungeon door quite easily.

 

Your rage from being tricked into black pornography sends you into a rage so strange you turn black. You can now smell chicken and human flesh, your two favourite meals, on the other side of a nearby door. You burst through the door with no effort, into a party. You are standing in a ballroom, naked, with everyone frozen mid dance and staring at you. What do?

 

He starts to wave his penis around quite frantically, whereas, the tip is the watermelon he had been looking for. He arches inwards so the back of his spine would shoot outwards towards the roof. After taking in delight of his gorgous meal, he finds that it gave him regenerative powers. His spine flies away, though a new one made out of pure Combine-Titanium-Alloy becomes present, whistle his dick grows to be 4 foot long, despite his skin turning white again. "And what is this?" He booms in a strong voice.