Minge plays generic fantasy world

You head south because it's the only direction with a 'U' in the middle, And Dubs name has a 'U' in the middle.
It is destined he's down south.

 

You decide that, just because Dub has a 'U' in the middle, that south is the best direction to go because it also has a 'U' in the middle. Unfortunately, you don't have a good sense of orientation right now, and you have no body part on you that points south, or north for that matter. However, the prison you have found yourself in has many caverns to explore, plenty of torches to light the way, and from the sounds of it, there are other prisoners. There's just one choice to be made. To your left is a passageway from which the sounds of music and laughter emanate, and to your right is a passageway from which the sounds of screaming echo.
Where to go and what to do?

 

Go left as you reach inside your inner things, Searching for a weapon

 

You decide to go left, while reaching for a weapon from your inner highs. You pull out a bad-ass sword, just when you are met with a regal-looking wooden door. Yellow light is filtering out under the doorway, along with the sound of laughter, music, chatter, and other party noises.
What do?

 

You go inside, having a condom in your pocket.

 

You go inside with a condom you magically conjured up. However, the first thing you see is a whole bunch of gramophones, playing the sounds of laughter, music, chatter, and other party noises. The second thing you see is a man playing the trumpet next to the gramophones playing music.
What do?

 

Conjure up a sword from the vagina, and brutally assault the neck until I die of blood loss because they're not playing a good song.

 

After killing him, cut off his skin and sew clothing out of it, using his tendons as thread and a bone as a needle.

Put the clothes on, and exit, whistling a tune.

 

My god.

 

You have already conjured up a sword from your vagina. Nevertheless, you brutally assault the neck of the man, also known as Shut Up Walter. After killing him, you cut off his skin with your sword and sew clothing out of it, using his tendons as thread and a bone as a needle. You put the clothes made of human skin on, then walk out of the room, whistling a tune. There seems to be only one option now.
The other passageway where the screams echo from.
What now?

 

Scream down the passageway.

 

You turn in a 180, then moonwalk down the passageway, singing chocolate rain. Every single trap set up in the passageway fails to halt your fabulousness. After 2 or so times of repeating chocolate rain after getting to the end of the song, you turn around to face a cliched torture room, with a screaming disembodied head on a blood-stained table. there are two passageways behind the disembodied head.
What now?

 

Skin the head, create a mask out of the Face and use the hair to tie it around your face, in order to conceal your identity from the Reptilian Shapeshifters.

After that, chop the skull in half in order to make a fashionable hat.

Also cup a handful of the sweet rack in that room, if ya know what I mean.

 

You move forward and skin the head, using it as a mask to conceal your identity from the reptilian shape-shifters. Then, just as you are about to cut the skull in half, a guard walks out of one of the passageways. You both stand there, just staring at each other. Suddenly, the guard shape-shifts into a reptilian creature, and yells at you in the ancient language of Rarcaplian,
"You shall not escape us again, Mindche!"
So that is your real name. Mindche. You see many flashbacks of being raised by wizards strong enough to control your dark magical power, of your family being slaughtered by a clan of the reptilian creatures, and of the very same reptilian creatures attempting to capture you and keep you locked up, and the final flashback is of a reptilian creature who succeeded. And then you realize that you failed the first time because your back-story was cliched, stupid, and only written by one person. But now, you have the power of many!
You finish cutting the skull and transforming it into a fashionable hat, and prepare for an epic fight scene.
What do?

 

Powergame; after all, this a Minge playing.

 

Put the tin foilhat on.

 

Engulf him in your sausage purse, seeing that's your one true weapon.

 

You powergame, like you always do, and devour the reptile with your 'weapon'. You ended it the least climactic way possible, congratulations. You have unlocked the 'reptilian form' power, which switches your species into that of the reptilian creature, and back at will. The two passageways lay ahead of you. Alternatively, the roof is always an option.
What now?

 

Go to roof, and end your retarded life by jumping off.
Remember,what Sloth always says;
Horizontal for attention
Vertical for results